An analysis of shirt sponsors considered as team names

A thought occurs. “Northern Rock”, despite the low opinion Britons now have of said bank, is an impressive, tough name.  This led me to wonder, which clubs’ shirts would look the most impressive to someone from a more innocent world who assumes the giant logo on the front is the name of the team?

Sounds awesome

  • Northern Rock F.C.
    “Northern Rock” isn’t a recognizable company name in the USA. Sounds like “Northern soul” but even cooler.
  • Britannia F.C.
    Hail!
  • Wonga F.C.
    “Wonga” is slang for money, but to me it sounds intriguing and exotic, like a team named after the fantasy land of the group of 12-year-olds that founded it in 1906.
  • Tombola F.C.
    See Wonga, except that I have no clue what “Tombola” is so it works even better. Maybe it’s their location.

Not bad

  • Crown Paints F.C.
    Clearly an industry embedded in the history of whatever town they come from.
  • Chang F.C.
    It doesn’t say “Chang Beer”, which helps.  And obviously their mascot is the elephant.
  • Fly Emirates F.C.
    Just go back to being “Emirates FC” and drop the Wreckx-n-Effect slang. The time for calling things “fly” has come and gone. Or update it to “Tricked-out Emirates FC”.

Understated class

  • Autonomy F.C.
    Autonomy FC stands for self-reliance, hard work, and pride. All their players worked their ways up from poverty in places like Senegal, Argentina and Croatia through not physical supremacy, but…physical supremacy and hard work. Why are fans claiming they can’t relate to the players anymore?
  • Aon F.C.
    The rural hamlet of Eawon punches well above its weight in having a Premier League team. Being named after the ancient druidic form of the town’s name is a great touch.
  • F&C F.C.
    Get rid of the little “Investments” and it can easily be one of those combined clubs packed with uninteresting history. SpVgg Farnborough’s stadium was demolished by termites and they had to merge with local non-rival Torpedo Chiselhurst to form Farn & Chisel.
  • Standard Chartered F.C.
    The default club in every team-manager video game, SCFC in real life are the default club for people who like the sport in theory but don’t want to think about it too hard, leading to massive revenue, and massive purchases of massively famous players, and general public disgust.

Up the Lions!

  • Samsung F.C.
    There’s a Samsung-owned team in Korea, but they’re called the Suwon Bluewings. They use a Samsung logo on their chests [or a Samsung product, as seen here on Croatian stars Jasenko Sabitović and Mato Neretljak]. but their crest/badge has no Samsung content.Skipping to another sport, the Samsung Lions, like other Korean baseball teams, have changed their uniforms recently to downplay the business conglomerate. The Samsung Lions, LG Twins, and Kia Tigers all have small corporate logos above the large team name emblem on their chests. But the Twins and Tigers just have a “T” on their caps, while the S of Samsung is an integral part of the Lions’ cap logo. See this Uni Watch entry for a ton of Korean baseball photos.

I guess they had to sell out — how sad.

  • Etihad Airways F.C.
    There are teams called “Vauxhall Motors” and “Airbus UK Broughton” in addition to various others with things like “Miners” and “Mechanics” in the name. But it’s hard to view “Etihad Airways” as having emerged from a recreational club for Etihad Airways workers.
  • Fx Pro F.C.
    “Acorns” was much better. “LG” was much better too, though as with Samsung it should be an understated LG logo above the name of some fierce but lovable creature.
  • 247 999 F.C.
    The little house logo indicates sponsorship by the Criterion Collection release of Nobuhiko Obayashi’s House. The numbers are arbitrary. Every player was supposed to have different numbers in every game which, at the end of the season, you could plug into the Bible Code matrix to get a prophecy of his fate. This was too complex for West Brom’s shirt manufacturers so they just went with the first part of Youssuf Mulumbu’s tragic demise. He’ll be served something deadly…at home. That’s all we are now permitted to know.

Oh, yuck.

  • 188 Bet F.C.
  • Sbobet F.C.
  • Sportingbet F.C.
  • Investec F.C.