FA Cup scoring leader Jason Scotland

Disaster! The written record of my FA Cup deeds has been lost. Maybe I could unearth it somewhere in the FIFA interface if I had an HDTV. Short synopsis: After beating Man Utd, Everton lost 3-1 to Wolves even WITH a 4-2-2-2 formation. Kevin Jarvis didn’t get all three goals this time. Ipswich and Cardiff kept dominating with Bellamy and Scotland being easily released by through balls to go one-on-one with the keeper and then pass back to someone else who scores. Eventually Arsenal beat all my teams and triumphed behind Marouane Chamakh, the second best striker in the world behind Eto’o in FIFA 11’s estimation.

St Mirren are plugging along, a solid third in the SPL. Every time I think we need to step up the difficulty, one of the Old Firm takes us down a peg. We do have two of the six double-digit scorers in the SPL (Higdon, Dargo, Kenny Miller, Anthony Stokes, David Goodwillie, and Andrius Velička who in reality scored a whopping 1 goal in his Aberdeen career). Game-by-game SPL results to follow after these isolated observations.

  • How can Hamilton be so terrible, both in reality and in ludic simulacra, when they have the SPL’s fastest player, Marco Paixão?
  • It’s very impressive that they got a clip of Martin Tyler saying at least one player’s name for … every team in the game? Every first-division team and every English team? Either way, it’s more than I expected and it’s especially impressive that, of all the players on K.A.A. Gent, the one name you hear Tyler pronounce is “Ljubijankič”. That’s going above and beyond.

Zlatan Ljubijankič, World Cup hero and scourge of U.S. fortunes, teams up with John Terry for the halftime three-legged race in Port Elizabeth.

  • But it’s odd that for some players the name is only said in a certain situation, which the game tries to identify but sometimes gets wrong. Is Jamie Carragher ALWAYS in with power and purpose? “That’s Lúcio’s tackle” may be the most obvious example. “Feed the Yak and he will score” was a nice surprise since in Everton’s default formation the Yak is absolutely never in a position to score. (No special soundbite for Saha?) When either Finland or Swansea play, Tyler practically harmonizes with himself, he’s saying “Now, Kuqi” so much.
  • Everyone notices the inaccurate comments, like “Great save by the goalkeeper! / Top, top stuff” for the most basic save, but most view it in good humor — particularly people who remember how awful the commentary was five years ago. I only get irritated when the game sends out contradictory assessments. The game’s Mind knows all and sees all within the game, am I right? It knows where every user- and algorithm-generated pixel is, and communicates the result of my actions visually on the screen in real time, auditorily through its twin larynxes Tyler and Gray in real time, and at a slight delay through the actions of the referee. I can understand when they compliment me on a clean tackle that then becomes a red card — that happens in real life. But what’s happening when I steal the ball, the opponent steals it back a second later, and two seconds later I’m complimented on stealing the ball? What kind of irreversible neural network was set into action? How can it possibly be irreversible? And why, when every single offside call is followed by an NFL-style replay using parallel lines to display exactly how far offside the fellow was, do they so often say it was just a hair offside when it was actually five feet, or vice versa? Some reminders of the fallibility of humanity, or the curse of the commentator as robo-Martin Tyler likes to call it, are welcome, but some are clearly forced.
  • There’s more than one team with Polonia Bytom’s sickly red-and-lavender color scheme. SM Caen do it in real life although they don’t look as purply in the game. And then there’s Catania, but they pair the red with more of a Marseillaise brilliant blue.
  • Can it be possible that there are more Irish kids joyful over the new addition of League of Ireland teams to the game than there are Irish kids embarrassed about how horribly every Irish team is rated?
  • ADO Den Haag always put up a good fight, but I always beat them. More satisfying guaranteed victories than those over utter tomato cans like Drogheda United, Bray Wanderers, Bohemians, St Patrick’s Athletic, Bohemians, or Strømsgodset.
  • Wikipedia reports of Pascal Bosschaart that “Strangely, he has never scored a goal in his long and relatively successful career.” Well, he scored a goal playing against me in FIFA 11. An own goal.
  • That game (Fluminense – ADO Den Haag) would have looked brilliant in HD.
  • More bad luck with Moroccans, following Zaaboub’s FA Cup snafu. Abdelghani Faouzi of Vitória de Guimarães got knocked out with a broken leg in the first 2 minutes against SM Caen. That was one of three yellow cards Caen accrued within a quarter hour of kickoff. In real life they’ve avoided going one-and-done from Ligue 1 so they must be doing something right.

    Faouzi does look like he might have a delicate bone structure. Definitely a delicate hair structure.

  • I swear it used to be that the green button did the through ball to where a teammate is going to be, and the yellow button did the pass directly to him. Now it’s the opposite.
  • It’s nice how the blue button clearance seems like it’s going in a random direction but it ends up going to a teammate. Whereas the red button clearance actually does go in a random direction, to make up for getting it off quicker.
  • Is it wrong that my main substitution method, presuming no injuries, is to wait until the 65th minute and put in three guys at once? I like to think of it as the ice-hockey style of subbing. “And here’s the second shift.”